head like a hole and where i'm at now....

well....alot has happened...the conference is coming up this weekend and i'm very excited. i really need to get away and get fellowship time with everyone. i have been going through alot of stuff and been failing alot, but i'm not giving up. i had talks with several brothers and the Spirit has spoken and up lifted me. i finally feel like i'm getting a foot hold on where i am and need to be. this started as a different post but so much has happened that i have more to say. "head like a hole" the nine inch nails song brings up alot of good point. we take in so much everyday that we don't even realize. and if we don't pay attention we end up putting things before God... that has been happening to me and it has brought nothing but misery... my focus on other things has led to my lacking in what is true...listening to rock the flock the other day Tim spoke of doing everything for Jesus....sweating, working, serving, bleeding, suffering(with purpose)....all inall for Him....because of my lacking the Spirit convicted me... and i am grateful for it...before i was saved i would go on and on and not really realize what i was doing...now as soon as i'm in the wrong i know it...it takes action to change it and we are not alone...being a christen is putting effort forth for Christ....it can be no other way...once theres no effort, then theres the face plant of justice... i am just grateful for this body of christ and for all the love that we show each other... i've been feeling the pulse of the body and i know each of us have alot to deal with....just remember to keep your heart and ears open...listen to what is said and what God has to say... i know sometimes we don't want to here were wrong, but just learn to accept it...we're going to be wrong alot...i have along ways to go and i won't make it there with out all of you... god bless you all and much love....


glory to God

patrick j nielsen

listening when someone speaks and keeping your eyes open

well... things are better. i listened to what God had to say... i know where i am wrong and am making an effort to change... but i've been thinking alot and there is alot i have to say. i and i know most everybody has fell victim to being a hypocrite in some way or another...i have the problem (maybe it's not a problem) of not saying anything about things that others are doing that bother me. some stuff i'm just a hypocrite about and others i am just stupid about. like being distracted... my big form of distraction lately has been movies and sports...other than my physical problems... and i tend to think about dumb things that others do...but mine is just as bad...i know i'm dumb. but also i've been noticing people being very judgemenal (including me sometimes, when i don't correct myself right away). doesn't anyone remember that when you judge others you also condenm yourself...have we forgot that were all equal under God?...do we really think our preference in sin matters?...do we think that we've learned something that others don't know?...ohh..also the art and music tangent i went off on(refer to last blog), well... lets stop labeling each other and try to come together more. any gift we have is God given and He lets us speak our minds for or against Him... is God just another label for us?... i hope not... we should embrace our differences as the art and poems God made us. i wish i could have a relationship with everyone in the church because we all have the most important thing in common....yes....JESUS!!!....well i guess this is enough for now...but i'll be back.... stick love on your heart instead of a label..... glory to God and bless you all

in a lonely place

lately i have been in a very crappy place to say the least. i've become lazy and lacking and very aggitated. since i got done with treatment(refer to earlier blogs) i've been slowly going down hill. i've been very easily distracted and been having nightmares most every night. i have been on a horrible sleep scheduale because i don't want to dream. God has been using alot of things to speak to me but i still am having troubles. i've been aggravated by little things like people classifing people or music or stuff like that. what can't it be what it is... the expression of one mans/mens hearts and souls...ones emotions... pure art in whatever form. i've been on a tangent to creatate but i am scared of having that take more of my attention away from God. i feel over flowing with all kinds of ideas. besides the distractions, nightmares, quickening of creativity, aggravtions, i also feel incredibly alone. i know right now that the body of Christ is struggling with a number of things and i can feel and see it. it seems as though everyone is in there own little world...it makes me wonder alot. just the last weekend (the workday weekend) i thought of leaving everything behind again... for no reason....not a girl, not music, not drugs/alcohol, not family.....no reason at all. and that bothers me alot. just the thought that i'd give up everything i've been working so hard for and at. i'd prayed last night and thought alot yesterday. i keep questioning if this is really what i'm suppose to be doing?! but as peter i don't have anywhere else to go and i know i won't be fufilled if i'm not here. i hate my heart and my mind and i wish i hadn't feeled my head with so much crap...and continuly put some crap in. i know that i am a work in progress, and right now is most likely one of those times when i am struggling and will get understanding and knowledge from this....and i should be more greatful for my suffering....but to be honest...this really sucks right now. everyone keep me in your prayers and if anyone needs my help with anything i'll try my best to help you. much love and God bless